Category: Any (208)

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

I have a joke about Stack Overflow, but you would say it's a duplicate.

Why did the ghost go inside the bar?

For the boos.

What does a turkey dress up as for Halloween?

A gobblin'!

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?

It's a pain in the neck.

What is in a ghost's nose?

Boo-gers.

Why do ghosts go on diets?

So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

why do python programmers wear glasses?

Because they can't C.

Whats the Grinchs least favorite band?

The Who.

Why was the JavaScript developer sad?

Because they didn't Node how to Express themself!

Why does the size of the snack not matter to a giraffe?

Because even a little bit goes a long way.

A perfectionist walked into a bar... apparently, the bar was not set high enough.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

A Roman walks into a bar and raises 2 fingers and says to the bartender...

"Five beers, please."

Which part of the hospital has the least privacy?

The ICU.

The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

My employer came running to me and said, "I was looking for you all day! Where the hell have you been?"

I replied, "Good employees are hard to find."

I was feeling depressed, my wife put her hand on my back and said "Earth."

It meant the world to me.

I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket full of ironed clothes.

I watched it all unfold.