Category: Any (208)

To prove he was right, the flat-earther walked to the end of the Earth.

He eventually came around.

Which is faster, Hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold

No matter how kind you are...

German kids are always Kinder.

"99.9% of the people are dumb!"

"Fortunately I belong to the remaining 1%"

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

My husband and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met.

What does the mermaid wear to math class?

Algae-bra.

Never date a baker. They're too kneady.

You see, mountains aren't just funny.

They are hill areas.

Why shouldn't you visit an expensive wig shop?

It's too high a price "toupee."

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

How did the programmer die in the shower?

He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Why did the database administrator leave his wife?

She had one-to-many relationships.

Why are Assembly programmers always soaking wet?

They work below C-level.

Why is Linux safe?

Hackers peak through Windows only.

UDP is better in the COVID era since it avoids unnecessary handshakes.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why did the banana go see a doctor?

Because it wasn't peeling well.

Why are cats so good at video games?

They have nine lives.

Why do front end developers eat lunch alone?

Because they don't know how to join tables.

Why does Santa go down the chimney?

Because it soots him!

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

Because he had no body to go with!