Category: Any (208)

Why didn't the skeleton go for prom?

Because it had nobody.

Why was the river rich?

Because it had two banks.

Knock knock. Who's there? Recursion. Recursion who? Knock knock.

My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?

Quatro Sinko.

What do you call a witch at the beach?

A Sandwich.

A grocery store cashier asked if I would like my milk in a bag.

I told her "No, thanks. The carton works fine".

Two peanuts were walking.

One was assaulted.

Two guys walked into a bar.

The third guy ducked.

Dads are like boomerangs.

I hope.

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying "Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in June!" "Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me?" I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers. It's now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won't say where she got them.

What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat?

The wheelchair.

My ex had an accident. I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for her. She'll finally experience what rejection is really like.

The gas Argon walks into a bar. The barkeeper says "What would you like to drink?"

But Argon doesn't react.

How did you make your friend rage?

I implemented a greek question mark in his JavaScript code.

This morning I accidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.

I was already on the highway when I noticed I forgot my car at home.

My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.

But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.

When I was a kid, I made a really big sandcastle with my grandma.

Unfortunately, that didn't impress anyone at the cremation...

What's the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

One's a heated yam, the other's a yeeted ham.

What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?

He's a fizzician.

If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.

Doctor: "I have some news about your baby." Parents: "Don't tell us the gender, we want to keep it a surprise." Doctor: "Oh I get it, you're those type of people. Okay, well IT is not breathing."

What's black and sits at the top of a stairwell?

A paraplegic after a house fire.