Category: Misc (31)

Mom asked me where I'm taking her to go out to eat for mother's day.

I told her, "We already have food in the house".

My wife left me because I'm too insecure and paranoid.

Oh wait, never mind. She was just getting the mail.

I WRITE MY JOKES IN CAPITALS.

THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a price on a drink. The barkeeper says: "For you... no charge!"

Two reasons I don't give money to homeless people. 1) They are going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol 2) I am going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol.

I used to love to tell dad jokes.

Dad, come back...