Category: Programming (75)

Hey baby I wish your name was asynchronous...

... so you'd give me a callback.

Why do Java programmers hate communism?

They don't want to live in a classless society.

So what's a set of predefined steps the government might take to preserve the environment?

An Al-Gore-ithm.

Algorithm: A word used by programmers when they don't want to explain how their code works.

Why do programmers wear glasses?

Because they need to C#

.NET developers are picky when it comes to food.

They only like chicken NuGet.

Why did the functional programmer get thrown out of school?

Because he refused to take classes.

What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?

Inheritance.

Judge: "I sentence you to the maximum punishment..." Me (thinking): "Please be death, please be death..." Judge: "Learn Java!" Me: "Damn."

Have a great weekend! I hope your code behaves the same on Monday as it did on Friday.

How do you tell HTML from HTML5? - Try it out in Internet Explorer - Did it work? - No? - It's HTML5.

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you're also the murderer at the same time.

Hey Girl, Roses are #ff0000, Violets are #0000ff, I use hex codes, But I'd use RGB for you.

Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" to which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" [very long pause] "Java."

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."

Today I learned that changing random stuff until your program works is "hacky" and a "bad coding practice" but if you do it fast enough it's "Machine Learning" and pays 4x your current salary.

What is the best prefix for global variables?

//

Why did the JavaScript heap close shop?

It ran out of memory.

What do you call a group of 8 Hobbits?

A Hobbyte.