I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
PunCategory: Pun (58)
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
PunWhy does the size of the snack not matter to a giraffe?
Because even a little bit goes a long way.
PunI stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.
PunA Roman walks into a bar and raises 2 fingers and says to the bartender...
"Five beers, please."
PunWhich part of the hospital has the least privacy?
The ICU.
PunThe other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
PunMy employer came running to me and said, "I was looking for you all day! Where the hell have you been?"
I replied, "Good employees are hard to find."
PunI was feeling depressed, my wife put her hand on my back and said "Earth."
It meant the world to me.
PunI just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
PunTo prove he was right, the flat-earther walked to the end of the Earth.
He eventually came around.
PunWhich is faster, Hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold
PunNo matter how kind you are...
German kids are always Kinder.
PunDid you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
PunYou see, mountains aren't just funny.
They are hill areas.
PunWhy shouldn't you visit an expensive wig shop?
It's too high a price "toupee."
PunWhat's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
PunWhy did the banana go see a doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well.
PunWhy do front end developers eat lunch alone?
Because they don't know how to join tables.
PunI have a joke about trickle down economics, but 99% of you will never get it.
PunI was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
PunHow much did your chimney cost?
Nothing, it was on the house.
PunWhy do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!
PunI was struggling to figure out how lightning works, but then it struck me.
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