I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

Why does the size of the snack not matter to a giraffe?

Because even a little bit goes a long way.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

A Roman walks into a bar and raises 2 fingers and says to the bartender...

"Five beers, please."

Which part of the hospital has the least privacy?

The ICU.