Category: Any (208)

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.

A horse walks into a bar. "Hey", the Bartender says. "Sure", the horse replies.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a price on a drink. The barkeeper says: "For you... no charge!"

Two reasons I don't give money to homeless people. 1) They are going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol 2) I am going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol.

I had a granny that we couldn't decide whether to bury or cremate

In the end we decided to just let her live.

What kind of car did Whitney Houston drive?

A Hyundaiiiiiiiiiiii

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing but de brie.

I used to love to tell dad jokes.

Dad, come back...

Thank you student loans for getting me through college.

I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights."

"Can I tell you a TCP joke?" "Please tell me a TCP joke." "OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."

What is a dying programmer's last program?

Goodbye, world!

Your momma is so fat, you need to switch to NTFS to store a picture of her.

Hey baby I wish your name was asynchronous...

... so you'd give me a callback.

Why do Java programmers hate communism?

They don't want to live in a classless society.

So what's a set of predefined steps the government might take to preserve the environment?

An Al-Gore-ithm.

Algorithm: A word used by programmers when they don't want to explain how their code works.

Why do programmers wear glasses?

Because they need to C#

.NET developers are picky when it comes to food.

They only like chicken NuGet.

Why did the functional programmer get thrown out of school?

Because he refused to take classes.

What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?

Inheritance.

Judge: "I sentence you to the maximum punishment..." Me (thinking): "Please be death, please be death..." Judge: "Learn Java!" Me: "Damn."

Have a great weekend! I hope your code behaves the same on Monday as it did on Friday.

How do you tell HTML from HTML5? - Try it out in Internet Explorer - Did it work? - No? - It's HTML5.